Porkchops and Applesauce

I'm not sure about this page. This has always struck me as one of the lamest aspects of this current fixation on our generation - picking out cheezy sitcoms and Saturday-morning educational spots and dissecting them as though they define us all in some monumental way - at least it's lame the way the mass media go about it. While I was putting this page together, this little noid in the back of my skull kept yelling at me, ''What the hell is this? You're no better than the boomers you laugh at for getting all slobbery over Leave It to Beaver! How is this any different from those pompous 'What is Generation X' stories that were on the cover of at least one newsmagazine every week until the O.J. trial pushed them off?''

Nevertheless, it does seem as if the only thing we even come close to having in common is this weird language we've fashioned out of the dregs of American popular culture. The fact that 9 out of 10 people under the age of 35 could look at the title of this Web page and know immediately who said it on what show and under what circumstances that speaks volumes.

And so, here are links to some of the things that have been most often credited with shaping - or warping - the thought processes and worldviews of millions of people. Each week at least one of these seems to pop up on a.s.g-x, thrown in with all the other frivolous pop-culture threads we use to take a break from the more serious discussions about the state of the world and whatnot. But of course, this is by no means an inclusive list - to proclaim it as such would mean setting myself up as the Spokesperson for My Generation(tm), perish the thought - so if there's something dear to your heart that you would like to include, send me email.

The Brady Bunch. This show has been called the Leave It to Beaver of Generation X because of how our alleged devotion to it reflects our fractured family backgrounds, our familiarity with divorce, our yearning for domestic stability - whatever. Me, I tend more toward Ian Williams' theory, as stated in Next: Young American Writers on the New Generation, ''The fact is we all still watch the show continuously because it's so amazingly stupid.'' (Assuming we all still do watch the show. I don't - at least I won't admit it.) Also, watching Jan flip out over losing her glasses or Greg wear geeky bell-bottoms and suede vests in an ill-fated effort to look cool makes our own families seem less neurotic, at least for 30 minutes.

Schoolhouse Rock. Mull this over in your head: One of these days, Americans are going to elect a President who can sing the Preamble to the Constitution (or at least most of it - do you know the missing words, trivia buffs?). I don't know at this point whether that's a hopeful thought, or a scary one. It's also been suggested in some quarters that, in letting our minds soak up fluffy five-minute musical/visual numbers disguised as education, we became ready-made victims for . . .

MTV. I remember when every party I went to had MTV playing in the background! I remember when ''Hey, dude, you wanna come over and watch some MTV?'' was a common suggestion for killing an afternoon! Hell, I remember when ''Music Television'' actually had music on it!

Then, of course, there was the time Martha Quinn played Bobby's girlfriend on ''A Very Brady Christmas.'' Weird how our pop-culture references get all tangled up like that.