The Writer's Block Sketch

So I'm staring at this blank piece of paper, knowing that in less than 12 hours I have to turn something in to my Creative Writing Teacher and I have a bad case of writer's block.

Did I mention I was a rather scary fan of Monty Python? Well, I was also (and still am to a degree) a rather scary fan of Douglas Adams. Figures, right?

Now, couple that with a deadline and a warped sense of humor (from watching millions of hours of Monty Python and reading millions of Douglas Adams words, some as many as three times or more) plus writer's block and you may get something like this.

[An apartment, one of those high rise apartments where the main window opens out to a ledge. In the main room is a woman who is staring intently at a mostly blank piece of paper in a typewriter. A knock comes from the front door. She gets up and answers the door.]

MAN

[Enters apartment. Behind him in the hall is a man dressed in rags and handcuffed. He is being led by another man wearing a three piece suit and carrying a brief case and a rather oversized scyth. The suited man is saying something along the lines of “If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided …”] Excuse me. [He walks over to the window, opens it and starts to climb out on the ledge.]

WOMAN

[Is now starring at the scene outside the door, and is ignoring the MAN]

MAN

[Now out on the ledge. He turns to face the WOMAN] Well?

WOMAN

Hello? What?

MAN

Well?

WOMAN

Sorry, just watching some bum being arrested by a man with a rather large knife—

MAN

Scyth.

WOMAN

What?

MAN

It's not a rather large knife, it's a rather large scyth.

WOMAN

Whatever. Oh, nice view, huh?

MAN

I'm going to be appreciating it more in a few seconds.

WOMAN

Well, what are you waiting for?

MAN

Pardon?

WOMAN

What are you waiting for?

MAN

You're not going to stop me?

WOMAN

No.

MAN

No “Wait—don't jump?” [WOMAN shakes her head.] Or “It's always darkest before the dawn?” [She is still shaking her head.] Not even “You have so much to live for?”

WOMAN

Nope. Why should I? I have problems of my own without having to worry about yours. So, enjoy the view. [Starts back towards the desk]

MAN

Aren't you even going to ask me why?

WOMAN

[Sitting at desk] Nope. [Stares at paper in typewriter furiously]

MAN

It's because I have writer's block.

WOMAN

You're jumping because of writer's block?

MAN

It's a very bad case of writer's block.

WOMAN

Listen, if I killed myself everytime I had writer's block—

MAN

You'd be dead?

WOMAN

Don't be such a wise ass.

MAN

Is there any other type?

WOMAN

Just enjoy the view. I'm busy. [Goes back to staring at paper]

MAN

With what?

WOMAN

I'm writing a novel.

MAN

I tried that once.

WOMAN

And?

MAN

I'm here.

WOMAN

That's good. Now go. I'm busy.

MAN

With writer's block?

WOMAN

Shut up. Now go. I'm busy.

MAN

Uh, before I go, I could help. [No response] You know, read what you have, and make, oh, a few suggestions. [Again, no response] Or maybe just take in the grand view you have in a first hand way.

WOMAN

You have my blessings.

MAN

[Climbs back into apartment, goes to desk and rips paper from typewriter]

WOMAN

Hey! Give that back!

MAN

[Reading] “It was a dark and stormy night.” It was a dark and stormy night?

WOMAN

[Trying to get paper back] Well, it was.

MAN

Should have jumped. [Goes back to window and climbs out]

WOMAN

[Runs after MAN] Hey, give me back my novel!

MAN

[Is about to jump when he is stopped by WOMAN] Hey!

WOMAN

My novel!

MAN

[He keeps the paper out of her reach. She tries to grab it. Somehow, she climbs out to the ledge. In the ensuing stuggle, he accidently causes her to slip and fall. He looks down as she falls.] Sorry. [Slowly climbs back into window. Looks around and sees typewriter. Sits at desk, puts paper into the typewriter and types a few words. Pulls paper out, balls it up, and discards it. Puts another paper in, types …]